Hi everyone,
If you’ve been following me over the past year or two (you know who you are! Thank you for your support and friendship!), you remember the moment when I challenged my fear and walked barefoot across of bed of glass. And you’ll probably remember that this moment was a transformative experience, followed by a huge change in my life. Since then, I have published my book; become a mentor and advocate for PPD; and launched my new mentorship program for women.
Walking that glass-strewn path was my way of facing my fear and moving through it. And this year, I found a new dimension in myself—at the same retreat in Tucson, where, instead of walking on glass, I had to find the power in me to break a board in two.
The entire experience showed me how far I have come, and how much further I want to go. Last year, as I stepped toward the sparkling glass, there were tears in my eyes. My body shook. I had to tap into a deep, hidden pool of willpower to find the strength to step forward. And once I was across, I wept hot tears of relief, joy and catharsis.
This year, I was nervous—but I was not afraid. My eyes were dry as I said a little prayer, feeling God’s strength in me. There were people around me who were worried, sharing their fear with each other, but I just moved toward the obstacle course ahead. Something in me knew I could do this.
Each of us had been given a board—a half-inch-thick square of solid pine—and told to mark it with something we wanted to break through. I wrote JUDGMENT. At first, I was imagining people looking at the HAPPY Mommy Method and judging me—saying it was not worth their time and money. But then I realized: this was actually my judgment. It was all taking place in my head. I was judging my own community of moms and women, by visualizing them in an unfair way. In my mind, I was taking away their power to choose! So the judgment I needed to break through was truly my own.
Holding my board in front of me, and barefoot yet again, I stepped forward. Before breaking the board, I would have to cross a bridge—simply a curved 2×4. It was harder than I expected. My toes gripped the beam as I struggled for balance, holding my JUDGMENT in front of me. One foot, then the next—little steps, as my toes began to cramp—and then I was across!
It was the moment of truth, and I had not a single doubt holding me back. I was determined: I would break this board on the very first try. I told myself, It doesn’t have to be perfect, just go for it. Nothing—not fear, not doubt, not pain—was going to stop me. With the power of my faith filling me, I thrust the heel of my hand forward, crying out with my fiercest roar …
The board split in two, the two halves smoking. I looked in disbelief at my power and accomplishment.
And then, I cried.