It’s normal, it’s natural, it’s not uncommon – siblings argue (heck, so do Will and I – in fact just this morning we had a quick, yet lively, chat on how to handle Brayden’s personality – we disagree, but we still love each other). Zackery is finally beginning to understand the concept that we can all have differing opinions. That it is okay to disagree. Brayden is not quite there yet.
Zackery thinks some Lego space ship he built is Luke Skywalker’s, while Brayden thinks it’s Han Solo’s. It’s okay – they both can be right, neither of them have to be wrong. It’s okay if their imaginations take them in slightly different directions. I love that they have such great imaginations!
Another example: we’re in the car driving home from spending a most magnificent three days in Truckee with Will’s cousins for Thanksgiving. Zackery and Brayden are talking about something (I honestly can’t remember exactly what it was – maybe another cup of coffee will help… morning came a little too quickly today – probably some toy or who’s the best Lego character or what the best thing for Christmas will be). They are both starting to get noticeably upset because the other one is telling them they’re wrong. Calmly, Will and I both tell them, “It’s okay to disagree. As long as no one gets hurt, you can each have your own opinion.”
I think that’s the key: no one gets hurt. And I mean that in both the physical and emotional sense. No one should ever feel beaten up because of someone else’s opinion. A belief is something you can own, and hopefully it comes with good intentions and no harm. Will and I really try hard to instill that sense of goodness in our boys. Be kind, be respectful, be helpful and make good choices.
Life would be boring if everyone always agreed. It’s fun (occasionally) to have a debate or a discussion over something you believe passionately about, as long as no one gets hurt. Yes, there are some beliefs that I think everyone should share, and those are just common core, common sense: everyone is equal and we should treat everyone in the way we want to be treated. There is never a reason to discriminate, to ridicule, to belittle or to bully. Love everyone.
I wonder how old I was when I first began to understand the concept of Agree to Disagree? Did my sister “get it” before me (given that she’s older)? Zackery is six and he is just learning the idea. Brayden is three and has no understanding that there could be two rights and no wrong. He doesn’t quite get it yet. He will, I’m sure – but I wonder when?
Until he does, Will and I will just have to keep gently reminding him that it is okay. The world won’t end because he and Zackery don’t agree on something. And I think as long as we keep reinforcing this in Zackery, some of it will eventually rub off onto Brayden (at least that’s how everything else around here has seemed to go…).
As for how Will and I are going to deal with Brayden’s personality… well, that’s another post, another day.
Smiles! 🙂