One might assume that when speaking about “loose screws” I might be referring to the state of my mind. I can’t blame those thoughts from appearing, as it seems totally logical that I might have a few loose screws rattling around in this brain of mine, much like a broken bag of marbles on a freshly polished floor, just rolling along to nowhere in particular. However, these loose screws that I am referring to today happen to be the six giant titanium screws I had surgically removed from my knees just five days ago. Ouch! I know!

Thirteen years ago I had pretty major knee surgery – both knees (not at the same time – gosh that would be CRAZY! – nothing like the double knee surgery I JUST had…) in which they drilled my bones and screwed them back into place, three screws in each knee. Most recently, they had been bothering me quite persistently and I chose to have them removed, which in similar patients to me, is quite common. It was a “minor” surgery – if there really is such a thing. I still had to be prepped (which included the fasting of any and all foods past midnight and no liquids past 4am – ah, that part wasn’t so bad. I made myself a grilled cheese and avocado sandwich at 9:30pm and drank enough water before I went to bed so I wouldn’t wake up thirsty; I’m surprised I didn’t leak like a sieve during the night), and I still had to go “under.” That part is always a little sketchy for me. It was my fourth time (once for each knee way back when, and then once when I had my wisdom teeth pulled), but I was still quite nervous – understandably.

Anyway, I won’t bore you with details or gore you with anything else, but I will share that I am sitting here now with an ice pack on each knee, because yes I was CRAZY and did them both at the same time. Everything went great, normal procedure, and I even got to keep the screws (which I was planning on taking a picture of for this post – don’t worry, they’re fully sanitized – but that would involve actually getting up, hobbling to the kitchen to get the camera, hobbling back into my bedroom to take the picture, hobbling into the office to download the picture to my ancient – a.k.a. slow – computer, and then hobbling back around the house to, well, to just hobble some more). Needless to say, there will be no photo to go with this post – please accept my humble apologies.

Okay, where was I – this percocet must be kicking in… Oh yes, I am sitting on my bed with my laptop, ice packs on my knees, thankful that it all went well and that I am able to hobble around without the old-lady walker (no offense meant there) and even for the first time, no crutches today! It is a milestone day today. I can walk! I will admit, slowly, v e r y  v e r y  s l o w l y, but I can put one foot in front of the other and move forward – or whichever way I so choose to move. It’s kind of metaphorical. Baby steps. One foot in front of the other.

My boys have been great through all of this. All three of them. Will has really taken care of me and taken care to see that I’m taken care of. And he’s gotten a bit of a taste of taking care of the boys all by himself (as I hid in our bedroom passed out on pain killers for the first two days). Zackery has been super helpful too, and comes running in every morning and after school to see how I’m doing and to just say he loves me. Bless him I think I’ve heard more “I love you’s” from him – and from Brayden – this past week than months combined. I do truly feel loved. I’ve had a babysitter the last two nights to help me with bedtime since I still don’t have strength enough in my left leg to pick Brayden up, let alone stand up with him after rocking him in the chair for bed. He has been sad and wanting Mommy to put him to bed and rock him, but he has been wonderful in letting the babysitter do it and understanding that it wouldn’t be so good for Mommy to fall down and drop him – nope, not so fun!

So with baby steps I progress – to full mobility of my legs, and to full potential of my purpose in life. One foot in front of the other. And if every now and then I have to remove some loose screws, well then so be it.