My son Zackery was born on September 15, 2007. I walked into the hospital in flip flops on a warm early autumn day – but when I walked out again, it was snowing. Little did I expect that it was to be a hundred-year winter in Tahoe, and that my baby and I would find ourselves buried in several feet of snow for months.
It’s no wonder that, despite the gift of a perfect new son, that winter was a difficult season for our little family. But even if the snowdrifts had been a thousand feet high, they could never have been as heavy as the weight I felt in my heart.
There is more than one way to parent and take care of a child, but back then, I didn’t think so. I had read the books and was sure there was one correct way of doing things – and I was so focused on this idea that I was horrified to make a mistake. What if Zackery started crying and I couldn’t get him to stop? What if I changed the diaper wrong and hurt him or made a mess? The possibilities had total control over me.
(From my book, Reclaim the Joy of Motherhood, Ch. 5)
In those early months, Will was my rock. He was home all the time with me and Zackery, and he took everything in stride – even took care of Zack when I wasn’t able to. We got through that long winter together, and when we started planning to have a second baby, I was certain he or she needed to come in the springtime!
Through it all – from before I got pregnant with Zackery, until after Brayden’s birth – that undercurrent of anxiety was always running through my life, through my heart. I believe that anxiety was a big factor in my PPD, as it is for so many women.
Statistically, up to eighty percent of new mothers experience some kind of mood-related symptoms in the weeks following childbirth. It’s called “the Baby Blues” – maybe you’ve heard of it? It is actually completely normal to feel “off” or “blue.” But the Baby Blues usually fade on their own within two to six weeks. If the symptoms persist or worsen – or if they appear after that initial six-week period – that’s a sign that you may be developing Postpartum Depression.
What Are You Feeling?
Ultimately, you know yourself better than anyone can. Here are some of PPD’s most common symptoms. If it has been more than six weeks since you had your baby, and you’re experiencing some of these symptoms, it is important that you talk to your doctor or anyone else you can trust. You haven’t done anything wrong! This is not your fault, but you do need help to get through it and reclaim your joy.
- Feelings of hopelessness, helplessness, worry, sadness, or guilt
- Irritability or anxiety
- Lack of focus or difficulty concentrating
- Fatigue or exhaustion
- Trouble sleeping
- Changes in appetite
- Lack of interest in activities you would normally enjoy
- Feeling withdrawn or disconnected
- Headaches, backaches, or other body aches
- Problems doing everyday tasks at home or work
- Inability or lack of desire to care for your baby or yourself
- Negative feelings towards your baby
- Fear of being alone with your baby
- Thoughts of harming your baby, your other children, and/or yourself
- Thoughts of death or suicide
Is anything else going on that you feel is out of the ordinary, wrong, or “off”? Or, if you went through the Baby Blues (and maybe they later turned out to be PPD), how did it feel for you? Please share in the comments.
With Love & Mommy Hugs…