Dear Mom,
Happy Mother’s Day. I have had you in my heart all day – all week, even most of the month actually. I miss you, but today was probably one of the few times I did not feel overwhelming sadness. I know you’re not “here” but at this moment in my life, I honestly feel a strong connection to you. Yes, I believe I have started to heal from your death. It has been quite a journey (for both of us).
I woke up this morning to Zack and Brayden rushing me with open arms and warm little screams of “Happy Mother’s Day Mommy!” I now know what you must have felt when Susan and I did that to you when we were younger. Pure love and happiness. It feels good to FEEL HAPPY again. We opened cards and gifts (thoughtful, practical gifts like gum and lotion for my purse and car, washcloths to wipe their little faces, and beautiful crafts they each made at their school). Will brought me my coffee – as he does most mornings, and we had a somewhat lazy early morning until it was time to eat. We all went out to breakfast and I had exactly what I had been savouring in my mouth: french toast and bacon. Reminds me of Sunday breakfasts growing up. We got home, played, had some friends come over to visit and the four boys all played outside while we ate lunch. Then I relaxed outside until my spa appointment. That was just what I needed. I came home to the boys riding bikes out front with Will, just before they switched again to the backyard so Will could BBQ chicken for dinner. Zack and I also each had an artichoke – yum! – followed by a delicious chocolate cake that Zack helped Will make. It was a wonderful day.
The only thing that could have made it even more perfect would be to have you here with us. But, I know that you were. I can feel you and I know you are receiving my love.
You are the inspiration for the Mother I am trying to be. You are the beauty and elegance I see in every picture of you. You are my first teacher and the one who taught me so many more lessons than I ever learned anywhere else.
Mom, I miss you. I hope you have had the most angelic Mother’s Day up in Heaven.
I love you, me.