Every year, for Mother’s Day, my husband tells me we’re going to do whatever I want. Usually for me that means going out to brunch with my best friend Elisa and our families!
I know I am very lucky just to be able to choose the activities on “my” day, and the option to put myself first is one of the best gifts I could receive. Not every mother has this luxury, but I will tell you a secret: you can give yourself this gift any day throughout the year.
When you are feeling overwhelmed or in need of some space, try to find just five minutes to be alone, get quiet and be at peace with yourself. When you are busy and taking care of someone else, it can be hard to put yourself first. But as soon as you get quiet and calm your mind, you will feel the difference. As I often say: you were YOU before you were Mommy! With a little bit of quiet and space, you can focus on, treasure, and heal the most important person in your life: yourself.
Five minutes here and there may not always be easy to find, but in those few minutes, you can practice awareness and self-care. Breathe deeply and really focus on yourself, your body and your emotions. Doing this won’t just make you feel more calm; it will also help you be aware of anything that might be going on with you. For my own healing, practicing self awareness was a crucial step that made a lasting difference.
This is an excerpt from Reclaim the Joy of Motherhood:
I never wrote down what I was feeling until after I was diagnosed, and I wish I had. It might have made it easier to get help sooner if I had been more aware of my physical and emotional patterns and symptoms. On the other hand, I also wasn’t fully aware that I was feeling anything, other than the fatigue that I thought was normal. If I had seen the words on the page, the reality of my situation might have become clear sooner.
Because I wasn’t aware of my body, my emotions, my mind, I could not move forward. Awareness, therefore, was the very first step in my journey of healing, and it should be a part of yours, too. No matter what you are feeling—whether you have full-blown PPD or just the Baby Blues, or are just having a terrible month—becoming more aware of your reality can only help by showing you the opportunities to begin healing.
I cannot give you the answer to finding your own awareness, but I can share with you what works for me. When I am quiet, when I pause and just focus on my breath, is when the awareness of my body, mind, and spirit presents itself. It takes practice, and it takes patience. When I began working on improving my self-awareness, it was difficult. I had to remove myself from all external noise and distractions. I needed to sit by myself in a peaceful, quiet place, often closing my eyes to maintain focus. I had to concentrate on breathing in and breathing out, breathing in and breathing out. It has taken me many years to get to where I am now, to a point where I am completely aware of my body, my thoughts, and my heart. You will get there too. In the beginning, though, just try to be quiet and still, and listen to your body. It will not take long for your awareness to increase.
With improved focus and awareness, you are able to observe and document anything and everything that seems abnormal or at odds with your true self. There is no right or wrong way to do this; there is no symptom or emotion or feeling that is too big or too little to make note of. There is only you, trusting in your heart.
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