This is a direct excerpt from my book, Reclaim the Joy of Motherhood.
Having to admit that I had Postpartum Depression (PPD) meant, at first, that I was flawed, broken, damaged. It meant I wasn’t the strong, in-control woman I thought I was. It meant there was something wrong with me, something I should have prevented. It meant that it was my fault, that there was something more I could have done but didn’t. This is what I thought, before I really knew what PPD was. This is what so many women still believe. This is completely untrue.
As I learned more about the facts of PPD, all those fictions began to vanish, chased away by the truth. Even in the first few days, as it began to sink in that my illness was something real, I started to see the signs all around me. After starting my own research, I made a post on my Facebook wall:
“Postpartum Depression is nothing to be ashamed of, and it doesn’t mean you are a bad mother.”
Almost right away, two different women told me that they had gone through it themselves. Each of them had children that were a few years old! All that time, I had never seen the slightest indication of what they had been going through. Still, to this day, I hear from old friends and acquaintances even strangers, who share their stories with me. So many of the women in my extended circles—even in my own family—have fought depression at various stages of their lives, and many of them after having a child. But absolutely nobody talks about it. It’s like a dirty little secret.
It makes me furious that women feel they have to hide depression. It’s not like they have done anything to deserve it! Over the generations, we have developed this myth that you just need to shut up and swallow your pain—that weakness is a fault, not a reality that we all share.
For me, talking openly about my PPD was incredibly powerful. Once I started being honest and unashamed, it was like the floodgates opened and I was surrounded with love and support. One of the biggest changes was in my relationship with Elisa. The more I learned and shared with her, the more she was able to see and understand the reality that I had been living. Once she understood, she was completely empathetic, and she has been there for me through every step of my recovery. What a change truth and openness can bring! As soon as I stopped hiding the pain inside myself, as soon as I brought it out into the light where my best friend could see it, she was able to be a true friend to me in the way she always meant to be.
This is why my mission is to help share the truth about PPD, to shine light on an illness that is kept in darkness. Why? There is no reason for this to be a secret. It is not something to be ashamed of.
Many of you are here because you have heard of my Happy Mommy mentorship program, because you have read the book, or because we have connected through one of my speaking engagements or another event. So you know that I am completely devoted to the mission of sharing information about Postpartum Depression and how it affects new mothers. It is challenging at times to open my heart and revisit past pain, but I am honestly overjoyed by the positive effect this sharing creates.
It continues to amaze me just how many women respond to this message with stories of their own struggle, or with love and support. There is nothing to hide about PPD, and the more I share, the more positivity I receive. I could never have imagined that opening up about pain and depression would be one of the best experiences of my life!
This is my promise: My heart will always be open to you, and I will be here when you need me. If you can’t share with anyone else, you can share your story with me. It is my mission, and it truly brings me joy. I hope that you will reach out if you need to.