I figured it was time to write a little update about how my Post-Partum Depression was going. It’s been about 6 months now since I first made the call for help. I’ve had ups and downs, improvement and decline, but the one constant has been the unwavering support of my family and friends. Without surrounding myself with love and continuing to be open about it, I don’t think I would have been able to get through the worst.
I can now say that my anti-depressant medication is stable (and thankfully working). It took several changes in dose, and switching to a different prescription, before I could finally see a light at the end of the dark, dark tunnel. And it was a very gloomy path.
I kept wondering what was going on with me, and why wasn’t I feeling better? The big problem was I didn’t know how I was supposed to be feeling. I didn’t know what “normal” was, but I knew that something still didn’t feel right. I still felt like I was in a cloud and nothing was clear. Every thought I had was foggy and I couldn’t concentrate.
I had a teaser of a couple weeks when I actually started to notice a positive change, but that quickly turned around and I began to severely plummet again. After a couple more months of feeling desperate and hopeless – would I ever get out of this downward spiral? – and after the insurance declined my prescription refill saying it was too soon (the problem when you double up on your dose – as recommended by and under the care of my doctor), I tearfully made another plea for help and scheduled a follow up appointment.
Long story short, I am now on a path of recovery. I don’t know how long it will take, and I don’t know how long I will have to be on my medication. All I know is that despite all the negative circumstances surrounding me, I am truly happy again.
During my most discouraging months, my best friend told me “This isn’t you. You aren’t a depressed person.” She was right! It wasn’t me. I am a happy person, and it feels good to finally be headed in that direction again.
I will continue to be open about my journey – both the struggles and the accomplishments. I will continue to stay positive – especially if and when things start to become challenging. I will continue to love and support everyone around me – it’s the least I can do for what they have given me. I will continue to be at peace with my internal circumstances – understanding and acknowledging that I did not do this to myself; it is not my fault, I had no control.
Lastly, I will continue to heal myself…