This past Wednesday evening I had the pleasure of listening to Sandra Yancey, the CEO and Founder of eWomen Network, inspire over a hundred women, and a few males, at the monthly accelerated networking dinner for the Reno/Carson/Tahoe chapter. I had been looking forward to this month’s meeting precisely for the reason that Sandra was coming to our chapter, as part of her Living Brave tour. I feel lucky to be a part of such a rock-star chapter, where we get the privilege of welcoming Sandra to Reno on her tour of thirty chapters in three months. The monthly dinner events are always great, but this month was extra-ordinarily-awesome.
Sandra always inspires me when I hear her, and especially when it’s in person, watching her live (as opposed to on a video or a recording). There’s something about the energy she brings to the room that just captivates me – in a good way.
When the evening was “officially” over, I walked over to where she was and waited patiently to ask her the question I was unable to ask her earlier. My question was this: How did you do what you knew you needed to do for your business, while leaving your kids? What did you do about the guilt? How did you balance that? Did the guilt ever go away?
I guess technically that was four questions, but they are all related, and essentially I asked about mommy guilt. Any working mom will tell you, and even those who don’t go off to a job, and those that are heros and stay home day in and day out with their little ones, the worst part about leaving your little wee ones (especially when they are so little and wee) is the guilt. At least, it was for me, and to some extent it still is.
I have dreams. Everyone (hopefully) has a dream. Sometimes those dreams take me away from my children. Away from my two little miracles. Away from Zackery, away from Brayden, away from the things I asked for – away from being a mom.
Every time I travel, every time I am dropped off at the airport to board a plane, it is because I am chasing my dream and following my purpose. I am listening to my heart. So why in the world is it still so hard, every single time? Why do I still feel such immense guilt for leaving my babies (who, by the way are six and almost four – gosh, can’t believe Brayden is almost four…)?
So when I asked Sandra those questions? The one question I really wanted an answer for was the last one: Did the guilt ever go away?
Her response to me was simple: No.
I sighed. I didn’t cry – but I almost did (yep, remember, I’m a crier here) *wink*
She shared some other thoughts, a story about how she still has guilt, to this day, literally – on this day. And then she said to me: Don’t be so hard on yourself.
Wow.
Wait? Have I heard that before? Recently? Ah-hem, yes, quite often too.
I’ve been telling myself (and maybe I should actually listen to myself a little more too!) that this is the year of taking care of myself first, of being proud and strong and confident when saying “no” to others, and for standing up for myself. Part of that is standing up to the little voice that says what a horrible mom I am for taking an afternoon away from my family to go write at the Starbucks, or the little voice that says I don’t deserve to go to the spa, or put my feet up and watch a little show before picking up the boys from school, or sleeping in those extra fifteen minutes. That little voice is my mommy guilt, and I wish it would just SHUT-UP for once!
I’m a good mom, I know that. It may have taken years for me to realize and accept and believe that I am, but I am. I’m good enough. I’m the best mom those boys of mine could ever have. In fact, you are the best mom your children could ever have. Period. No voices, no guilt, just good enough.
Yes, Sandra Yancey, CEO and Founder of the largest women’s business networking organization in the world told me to not be so hard on myself. I think I’ll take her advice.