Last week I celebrated my ten year anniversary with my incredible, amazing, supportive, loving husband. Ten years. TEN YEARS! I can hardly believe it. As I posted on Facebook (yes, I am admittedly addicted), I can’t decide if those ten years have gone by fast… or slow. Either way, it’s a BIG accomplishment, and I am excited for the next ten years – it can only get better.
As I was contemplating our anniversary the other day, I realized something. Something a bit mind-blowing, and even a little bit horrible.
For six of those ten years, I was depressed.
Now granted I wasn’t aware I had Postpartum Depression for almost three of those years, and the sixth year I was nearly all done with it, but that still leaves two years where I knew what was happening and I struggled with being happy, loving, and present for my family.
It kind of sucks to think about that, but it’s the truth, it’s my past, it’s my journey and I can’t hide from it. I don’t really want to hide from it –
my journey is what defines me today.
What’s the point for me sharing all of this? What’s the value to you in all of this? I mean, really, why should you care? Good question! I guess if I’m being honest… I just want to acknowledge this man I married – for better or for worse. He stood by me when I was at my lowest low, in my darkest, deepest despair, as I pried my way out of the painful pit that consumed me.
I’m sure it wasn’t easy for him. I’m sure there were days when he regretted his choice to be with me and resented me for all the things I couldn’t do, for the person I was no longer. I’m sure…
I’m sure that it has brought us closer, in a different sort of way. A roundabout sort of way. A way that no husband and wife ever dream their life to be. There are things that he knows about me. He has seen me at my worst. He has experienced pain – emotional pain. I’m sure…
What am I MOST sure of? I am sure that if we got through that – through those six years of depression (Postpartum Depression, regular depression – call it what you will), then we can get through ANYTHING!
You’re a good man, Will Zimmer. I am sure that we are meant to be together… forever.
With Love and Mommy Hugs,