I just went to go visit my good friend yesterday, who has a five-week young baby girl (I’ll call her Baby C), and since having her has moved away, along with her husband and two other kids. It is the third time I have gotten to see and hold Baby C. The first time I met her was in the hospital, when she was not even twenty four hours old – it was so special. I remember when my boys were born; I remember every second leading up to their births. What I don’t always remember, however, is how tiny they are when they are first born. It’s not until I hold another newborn that I REALLY remember.
I remember how little and innocent Zack and Brayden were. I remember how small and delicate their slender fingers and toes were. I remember their faces with their eyes barely staying open to explore the world around them, and the hair on their heads so soft and fine. I remember their quiet cries and whimpers. I remember hardly tiring from holding them, all seven-ish pounds of them. I remember the smell of baby and how they would nestle into my shoulder or arms to sleep. I remember loving them so very much, in awe of the miracle of their birth.
I also remember sleepless nights and blow-outs. I remember constant crying and teething. I remember not knowing what they needed or wanted and feeling so frustrated that we couldn’t better communicate. I know all of this is normal, newborn/infant/toddler behavior and developmental stages. I remember telling myself “it won’t last forever.” I remember that feeling of relief when Zack or Brayden finally got through a tough stage (and don’t get me wrong, we still have them – but what a difference it makes when we can all talk to each other and understand each other!). I remember the physical pain I endured during the last couple months of my pregnancy with Brayden. I remember the emotional and physical trauma I went through while fighting my Postpartum Depression. I couldn’t do that to myself again.
I remember the moment Brayden was born and knowing, without a doubt, that our family was complete; we were done. I was done. It was a GOOD feeling.
I don’t ever feel like I want a third baby, and I know Will shares that with me. Yes, it is nice to hold a newborn, to snuggle them while they sleep so peacefully, but it is nice to be able to give them back. I love where our family of four is. I love that things are getting easier. I know we will always have challenges as Zack and Brayden grow up, but I believe these challenges can be worked through together, with communication. I remember when the boys were infants. Sometimes I do miss just cuddling them and holding them in my arms all day while we both dose in and out of rest. Lucky for me, both Zack and Brayden are good huggers! They snuggle me up (Brayden’s words) all the time and I am never without a hug when I want one. As for their tiny little faces – I have pictures for that.
What do you remember about your babies?